Josh: Candlelight

Realizing there was a tiny chance that I had been ignoring Mary on our little jaunt out to sea, I set out to make it up to her. Excusing myself from our cabin that evening, I went on a little scavenger hunt and returned from the ship's galley with candles, a bottle of wine, a couple of bowls of goulash and two packs of Ho Hos. I also asked around for music, seeing what I could borrow from the crew, and got three CD's of death metal, a disc of Mozart and The Best of Barry Manilow. The Manilow guy also had ABBA Gold: Greatest Hits.

"Does it have 'Waterloo' on it?"

He nodded, smiling, "You bet."

"Keep it, then. You know the date for Waterloo is wrong, right?"

Ignoring his weird look, I headed back to my cabin and hastily assembled our dinner as Mary looked on. Then I lit the candles on the table, held her chair for her as she sat down and put on the soothing sounds of Slayer in the background.

"This is actually really nice, Josh. Even though this music sounds like one long car accident."

I nodded, and we ate our goulash in silence, sipping at the wine. When the meal was done I swapped out the Slayer for Mozart and we began the dessert course, munching our Ho Hos by candlelight.

I took a deep breath and asked softly, "Don't answer this if you don't want, but was it very hard when you found out you couldn't have kids?"

"Yes."

"Because your husband wanted them?"

"That, and I wanted them too. Not right then, but... someday."

I poured us both the last of the wine. "What about adoption?"

She shrugged. "He didn't want to. I would, but 'Private Investigator' isn't the sort of job they look for in a single mother at the adoption agency." Mary shook her head and gave a bitter laugh. "And now that I'm wanted for accessory to murder... even if I clear my name at some point... I'll never... they'll never give..."

Regretting I'd asked the question, I tried to lighten the mood by saying, "Hey, you've got me. I'm child-like. Or child-ish. Either way, the word child is prominently involved."

A tear made its way down her cheek, the drop sparkling in the candlelight. I slid my chair back, stepped around the table and put my arms around her as she sat, her ear against my belly. "It's all right. It'll be all right, Mary."

Her voice came out in a whisper. "How can it possibly be all right? In all this death and horror, against these monsters, what is all right?"

I ran my fingers gently through her golden hair. "I didn't want my dad to die or my mom to be paralyzed, but I can't deny that everything that's happened has... I don't know if it's changed me as much as its shown me who I am. It's given me a purpose. It's given me you." I took a deep breath. "I don't know how it's all going to turn out... hell, I barely know what's happening now, but no matter what occurs I'll always have this. I'll always be running my fingers through your hair. I'll always be brushing my hand over your soft cheek. I'll be drying your tears. I'll always be here." I shook my head. "The Magician and all the others who are so busy 'conquering' and killing... they can never have this. They'll never look at someone the way I'm looking at you right now. Even though you don't feel the same way about me, it's what makes us-"

Mary rose from her chair then, never leaving my grasp and kissed me lightly on the lips, the softness of the touch startling me. Then she kissed me again slowly, pulling me closer. I broke away after a minute, my voice coming out in a croak. "I know how you feel about letting my mom down. Don't do anything that you don't want-"

She gave a rueful grin. "I'm not made of stone, Josh. I did my best. I just hope she'll understand."

"I did stab a guy for you. That's long been considered an unassailable term of endearment. What chance did you have?"

"Hush, now."

The Reliant churned northward through the Pacific as the sun fell into the sea- the horizon losing its battle against the night once more, and we could not have cared less.

Josh: Naming That Tune Correctly And Still Losing Big-Time

Ugh. Believe me, I don't want to admit to knowing this. If I hadn't already just had the worst two days of my life bar-none, this would qualify as one of my most uncomfortable moments.

It was Waterloo by Abba. There, I said it. God knows I'm not proud.

One other note: everything that happened after we met Hollis at the nursing home was entirely accurate. All the events before that... I don't know that Mary and I were even in the same time zone. I never looked at her like she wrote about. I was just basically terrified heading into that situation, and as it turns out I should have been preemptively freaked out about it. I may have hesitated before taking her hand and whatnot, but it wasn't for any reason other than I was focusing my efforts on not peeing my pants in front of her. Anyway, I never intended any offense, we just perceived what was happening totally differently.