November 17th, 2008:
It seems so amazing that the drab metal cabin that I had grown to absolutely loathe is now a place I never want to leave. The ship arrives in Guam tomorrow and suddenly the trip seems far, far too short.
I can't write any more. Josh can blab about seemingly every embarrassing detail of our lives without blinking, but for me it's agonizing.
Thank you so much for understanding, Mrs. Howland.
Showing posts with label sea voyage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sea voyage. Show all posts
Monday, February 9, 2009
Mary: Day Six At Sea
November 17th, 2008:
Of all the posts I've had to write, this is one of the most difficult. Mrs. Howland, I just want to say that I'm sorry. I've written and deleted page after page just for this one post, unable to put into words how I feel. I suppose the bottom line is that I can't control how I feel about your son, and while I have done my absolute best to behave in a professional manner and make you proud of me, I have let you down. I'm very, very sorry.
Of all the posts I've had to write, this is one of the most difficult. Mrs. Howland, I just want to say that I'm sorry. I've written and deleted page after page just for this one post, unable to put into words how I feel. I suppose the bottom line is that I can't control how I feel about your son, and while I have done my absolute best to behave in a professional manner and make you proud of me, I have let you down. I'm very, very sorry.
Josh: Candlelight
Realizing there was a tiny chance that I had been ignoring Mary on our little jaunt out to sea, I set out to make it up to her. Excusing myself from our cabin that evening, I went on a little scavenger hunt and returned from the ship's galley with candles, a bottle of wine, a couple of bowls of goulash and two packs of Ho Hos. I also asked around for music, seeing what I could borrow from the crew, and got three CD's of death metal, a disc of Mozart and The Best of Barry Manilow. The Manilow guy also had ABBA Gold: Greatest Hits.
"Does it have 'Waterloo' on it?"
He nodded, smiling, "You bet."
"Keep it, then. You know the date for Waterloo is wrong, right?"
Ignoring his weird look, I headed back to my cabin and hastily assembled our dinner as Mary looked on. Then I lit the candles on the table, held her chair for her as she sat down and put on the soothing sounds of Slayer in the background.
"This is actually really nice, Josh. Even though this music sounds like one long car accident."
I nodded, and we ate our goulash in silence, sipping at the wine. When the meal was done I swapped out the Slayer for Mozart and we began the dessert course, munching our Ho Hos by candlelight.
I took a deep breath and asked softly, "Don't answer this if you don't want, but was it very hard when you found out you couldn't have kids?"
"Yes."
"Because your husband wanted them?"
"That, and I wanted them too. Not right then, but... someday."
I poured us both the last of the wine. "What about adoption?"
She shrugged. "He didn't want to. I would, but 'Private Investigator' isn't the sort of job they look for in a single mother at the adoption agency." Mary shook her head and gave a bitter laugh. "And now that I'm wanted for accessory to murder... even if I clear my name at some point... I'll never... they'll never give..."
Regretting I'd asked the question, I tried to lighten the mood by saying, "Hey, you've got me. I'm child-like. Or child-ish. Either way, the word child is prominently involved."
A tear made its way down her cheek, the drop sparkling in the candlelight. I slid my chair back, stepped around the table and put my arms around her as she sat, her ear against my belly. "It's all right. It'll be all right, Mary."
Her voice came out in a whisper. "How can it possibly be all right? In all this death and horror, against these monsters, what is all right?"
I ran my fingers gently through her golden hair. "I didn't want my dad to die or my mom to be paralyzed, but I can't deny that everything that's happened has... I don't know if it's changed me as much as its shown me who I am. It's given me a purpose. It's given me you." I took a deep breath. "I don't know how it's all going to turn out... hell, I barely know what's happening now, but no matter what occurs I'll always have this. I'll always be running my fingers through your hair. I'll always be brushing my hand over your soft cheek. I'll be drying your tears. I'll always be here." I shook my head. "The Magician and all the others who are so busy 'conquering' and killing... they can never have this. They'll never look at someone the way I'm looking at you right now. Even though you don't feel the same way about me, it's what makes us-"
Mary rose from her chair then, never leaving my grasp and kissed me lightly on the lips, the softness of the touch startling me. Then she kissed me again slowly, pulling me closer. I broke away after a minute, my voice coming out in a croak. "I know how you feel about letting my mom down. Don't do anything that you don't want-"
She gave a rueful grin. "I'm not made of stone, Josh. I did my best. I just hope she'll understand."
"I did stab a guy for you. That's long been considered an unassailable term of endearment. What chance did you have?"
"Hush, now."
The Reliant churned northward through the Pacific as the sun fell into the sea- the horizon losing its battle against the night once more, and we could not have cared less.
"Does it have 'Waterloo' on it?"
He nodded, smiling, "You bet."
"Keep it, then. You know the date for Waterloo is wrong, right?"
Ignoring his weird look, I headed back to my cabin and hastily assembled our dinner as Mary looked on. Then I lit the candles on the table, held her chair for her as she sat down and put on the soothing sounds of Slayer in the background.
"This is actually really nice, Josh. Even though this music sounds like one long car accident."I nodded, and we ate our goulash in silence, sipping at the wine. When the meal was done I swapped out the Slayer for Mozart and we began the dessert course, munching our Ho Hos by candlelight.
I took a deep breath and asked softly, "Don't answer this if you don't want, but was it very hard when you found out you couldn't have kids?"
"Yes."
"Because your husband wanted them?"
"That, and I wanted them too. Not right then, but... someday."
I poured us both the last of the wine. "What about adoption?"
She shrugged. "He didn't want to. I would, but 'Private Investigator' isn't the sort of job they look for in a single mother at the adoption agency." Mary shook her head and gave a bitter laugh. "And now that I'm wanted for accessory to murder... even if I clear my name at some point... I'll never... they'll never give..."
Regretting I'd asked the question, I tried to lighten the mood by saying, "Hey, you've got me. I'm child-like. Or child-ish. Either way, the word child is prominently involved."
A tear made its way down her cheek, the drop sparkling in the candlelight. I slid my chair back, stepped around the table and put my arms around her as she sat, her ear against my belly. "It's all right. It'll be all right, Mary."
Her voice came out in a whisper. "How can it possibly be all right? In all this death and horror, against these monsters, what is all right?"
I ran my fingers gently through her golden hair. "I didn't want my dad to die or my mom to be paralyzed, but I can't deny that everything that's happened has... I don't know if it's changed me as much as its shown me who I am. It's given me a purpose. It's given me you." I took a deep breath. "I don't know how it's all going to turn out... hell, I barely know what's happening now, but no matter what occurs I'll always have this. I'll always be running my fingers through your hair. I'll always be brushing my hand over your soft cheek. I'll be drying your tears. I'll always be here." I shook my head. "The Magician and all the others who are so busy 'conquering' and killing... they can never have this. They'll never look at someone the way I'm looking at you right now. Even though you don't feel the same way about me, it's what makes us-"
Mary rose from her chair then, never leaving my grasp and kissed me lightly on the lips, the softness of the touch startling me. Then she kissed me again slowly, pulling me closer. I broke away after a minute, my voice coming out in a croak. "I know how you feel about letting my mom down. Don't do anything that you don't want-"
She gave a rueful grin. "I'm not made of stone, Josh. I did my best. I just hope she'll understand."
"I did stab a guy for you. That's long been considered an unassailable term of endearment. What chance did you have?"
"Hush, now."
The Reliant churned northward through the Pacific as the sun fell into the sea- the horizon losing its battle against the night once more, and we could not have cared less.
Mary: Day Five At Sea
November 16th, 2008:
MARY: We know the Magician is heading for Japan. We know he wants to perform some grand "trick" there, but what is it that the trick does, exactly? It gives him a new assistant, like Hollis or Crayton? It messes with time somehow?
JOSH: Uh-huh.
MARY: Taras kept coming back to the theme of conquerors taking Kiev. Is that what the Magician is doing? Using his trick to conquer new lands? Does the fact that he's going to Japan mean he hasn't conquered it yet? And what does that even get him? It's not like anyone but us has ever even heard of him.
JOSH: Absolutely.
MARY: If the Magician turned us into cheese, we could eat ourselves and I'm sure we'd be delicious.
JOSH: Right.
MARY: There is a fire axe just outside our door, and I am going to go get it and hack up your video game to pieces if you don't stop playing it right now.
JOSH: So, how've you been? Good? You look good. Let's talk about your feelings and stuff.
MARY: We know the Magician is heading for Japan. We know he wants to perform some grand "trick" there, but what is it that the trick does, exactly? It gives him a new assistant, like Hollis or Crayton? It messes with time somehow?
JOSH: Uh-huh.
MARY: Taras kept coming back to the theme of conquerors taking Kiev. Is that what the Magician is doing? Using his trick to conquer new lands? Does the fact that he's going to Japan mean he hasn't conquered it yet? And what does that even get him? It's not like anyone but us has ever even heard of him.
JOSH: Absolutely.
MARY: If the Magician turned us into cheese, we could eat ourselves and I'm sure we'd be delicious.
JOSH: Right.
MARY: There is a fire axe just outside our door, and I am going to go get it and hack up your video game to pieces if you don't stop playing it right now.
JOSH: So, how've you been? Good? You look good. Let's talk about your feelings and stuff.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Mary: Day Three At Sea
November 14th, 2008:
How can Josh just sit there and shoot things on a screen all day long? It's bizarre. Is he even human?
I am now completely and totally familiarized with every inch of our cabin. I know every paint-peel and loose rivet. This is not a good thing.
Four days until we dock at Guam and change ships. I finalized the arrangements today with the captain of the The Dial Up to take us aboard before he sets out for Kyoto, Japan.
How can Josh just sit there and shoot things on a screen all day long? It's bizarre. Is he even human?I am now completely and totally familiarized with every inch of our cabin. I know every paint-peel and loose rivet. This is not a good thing.
Four days until we dock at Guam and change ships. I finalized the arrangements today with the captain of the The Dial Up to take us aboard before he sets out for Kyoto, Japan.
Mary: Day Two At Sea
November 13th, 2008:
Nothing new to report. Weather has continued to be sunny and nice. I briefly considered going out on deck and doing a bit of tanning, but with the all-male crew somehow I don't think I'd feel all that comfortable.
Nothing new to report. Weather has continued to be sunny and nice. I briefly considered going out on deck and doing a bit of tanning, but with the all-male crew somehow I don't think I'd feel all that comfortable.
Mary: Setting Sail
November 12th, 2008:
While it wasn't perhaps the best possible introduction to the ship's crew to have Josh screaming obscenities at his computer screen in our cabin the first night, it was at least nice to see someone besides me yelling after receiving one of Yoshida's posts for a change.
The Reliant has just set sail (not that it has sails. I'm going to have to brush up on my nautical terms, I suppose) and Josh is fully settled in and playing his video games. So far the crew has been businesslike and reasonably polite, clearly used to having the occasional passenger on board. The ship is totally utilitarian and without any charm whatsoever, and my biggest regret before leaving the dock was not buying a vase of flowers and some throw pillows (below: the exact opposite of our cabin).
Also making life interesting is that the ship's captain was under the impression that Josh and I were married, so we only got one cabin with one full size bunk, but we're making do.
While it wasn't perhaps the best possible introduction to the ship's crew to have Josh screaming obscenities at his computer screen in our cabin the first night, it was at least nice to see someone besides me yelling after receiving one of Yoshida's posts for a change.
The Reliant has just set sail (not that it has sails. I'm going to have to brush up on my nautical terms, I suppose) and Josh is fully settled in and playing his video games. So far the crew has been businesslike and reasonably polite, clearly used to having the occasional passenger on board. The ship is totally utilitarian and without any charm whatsoever, and my biggest regret before leaving the dock was not buying a vase of flowers and some throw pillows (below: the exact opposite of our cabin).
Also making life interesting is that the ship's captain was under the impression that Josh and I were married, so we only got one cabin with one full size bunk, but we're making do.
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