Josh: Recriminations

I have never felt this before. I have been angry, but not like this. This is rage. This is fury. This is a towering desire to destroy, and while I intend to turn this emotion on my enemy eventually, for now I cannot help but feel it for myself.

How could I have been so utterly clueless? He was right in front of me the entire time, laughing at me, playing out his trick.

Every time I look back, I see more signs and clues. Mostly, I remember our friendly arguments about Georg Hegel and Arthur Schopenhauer; how we would sit by the window and banter good-naturedly about Hegel's falling into drastic disfavor in modern thought. I am a student of philosophy, but never once did I remember this famous quote made by Sir Karl Popper concerning Hegel:

"It was child's play for Hegel's powerful dialectical methods to draw real physical rabbits out of purely metaphysical silk hats."

Oh, and of course, Hegel died when? 1831.

I come again to Taras' post, which at this point has been scrutinized more closely than the Zapruder film. With his final words he makes a comment which I took to mean that the Magician is everywhere and all-powerful, but in fact I think he was trying to give us a clue:

"The young man had helpfully left the code key active, and while it was impossible to read what had been previously written, anything could be typed in and transmitted. It didn't matter, the magician read everything and he didn't need codes or magic to do it."

He meant it literally. He was telling us that the Magician was just looking over my mother's shoulder and reading everything, no magic necessary.

Mary begs me not to judge us too harshly, but I can't stop thinking about it. We see what we want to see, I suppose.

I'll give myself one more hour of looking back and beating the hell out of myself. From then on, it's the Magician's turn.

Josh: Dr. Ian Malcolm: "The Lack Of Humility Before Nature That's Being Displayed Here, Uh... Staggers Me."

I admit even I was a little skeptical about how I would learn about a rabbit disease in a philosophy class, but it was how the disease arrived in Australia that was the subject of that particular lecture. Rabbit hemorrhagic disease virus, or as it is more properly known, Rabbit Calicivirus Disease started in the Orient in the mid-80's and spread to Europe, wiping out huge populations of rabbits. Meanwhile, in Australia, their rabbit population was absolutely exploding. Australia is the poster boy for runaway animal populations since those filthy criminals that took over the place didn't care what they brought into the ecosystem (for example, they've got hideous cane toads the size of cinder blocks over there squatting on every golf course. Speaking as a non-golfer I find this horrible tragedy utterly hilarious. Below: cane toad. Just try sinking a fifteen-foot putt with that thing staring at you).

Long story longer, the Aussies decide that since they are being overrun by rabbits, they'll consider importing the Rabbit Calcivirus Disease. First, though, they want a rigorous testing process, so they set-up shop off-shore of Port Victoria on a spit of land called Wardang Island. To make sure that the disease is contained so there's no way it can hit the mainland, they set up a quarantine area with double, rabbit and predator-proof fences. They divided into two teams of workers, one for infected rabbits, one for the control group. Insect-suppression was a priority to keep the disease from being transmitted via mosquito. They even had rigid protocols for how to handle the scientist's clothing, disinfecting or destroying all fabric that came in contact with infected rabbits. In short, they built a laboratory that was absolutely foolproof, with no chance that the disease could possibly reach the mainland rabbit population.

What happened? As my giggling Philosopher professor gleefully pointed out, nature happened. "It was just like Jurassic Park, but with bunnies!" he tittered, food bits flying out of his beard. Philosophers just love it when those cocky scientists get it handed to them.

Somehow, the disease made its way to Port Victoria, and from there spread out over the entire continent, wiping out millions and millions of rabbits. The estimated death rate was a stunning ninety-five percent of all Australian rabbits. The reaction of the Australian government (in between holes as they used fork-lifts to move the cane toads off the greens) was a collective shrug. They wanted less rabbits, they got less rabbits. The fact that it didn't happen quite as they wanted it to happen was incidental.

Why is all this crap important? Well, they worked on that virus for three years before it got out, and for all I know they're still doing tests. Perhaps the scientists on Wardang Island can at least identify whether or not the strain of Rabbit Calcivirus Disease from the rabbit's foot found at the crime scene is from Australia, Europe or China. I know it's still an impossibly wide field, but if we can eliminate two continents from our search, I think it's time well spent.

Josh: I Was Going To Include A Picture, But I Did A Web Search For "Philosophy+Useless" And Just Got Depressed At How Many Entries There Were

For whatever reason, I think I've actually read about some disease wiping out millions of rabbits in Australia. Why-as a Philosophy grad-I believe I've learned something useful to us, I don't know. I'm going to pore over some of my texts and see what I can find.

My mother saying she's experiencing "difficulties" is like anyone else sending up flares and arranging their laundry by the seashore in the shape of the word, "HELP!" Mom, if you need anything, please just let me know and I'll be there.

Josh: That's It, I'm Giving Up Poker

Well, you bluffed me. Fair enough.

Mary just dropped me off at my apartment (near Marquette University downtown, for any newcomers). I'm going to hang out, drink a spot of green tea, reminisce about the murder scene I saw earlier today and throw up for a while.

Mary is heading back to the St. Francis Police Department to pester Detective Ward a bit more for any other crumbs of info.

Mom, I remember what you said about this being more of a journal than a log, and I feel like I do need to write out some of the things that I'm feeling about what's happening, so this is that. Forgive the naval-gazing, but I've got to get this stuff out.

When the accident-grr... I mean ATTACK-happened, I was just stunned that my Dad was dead and that my Mom was injured so badly. I would have liked to have actually done something then, just to get my mind off of it, but even being almost entirely paralyzed, my Mom was issuing orders and making arrangements from the Intensive Care Unit. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she didn't curl up into a ball and give up, but for a moment there I thought that for once in my life I was actually going to take care of her for a change. It turns out that if anything her paralysis has made her even more capable, or at least gave her a greater focus.

Anyway, even though I feel totally out of my depth and entirely wigged out by what I saw today, I have to say that I still feel pretty good. I'm helping, and that's not something I've been able to say much in my life. Granted, at this point I kind've wish I had a degree in criminal science instead of Philosophy, but this is hardly the first time a Philosophy grad regretted their choice of majors. Still, at least I can swing by the house for visits and debate the merits of Hegel (below, looking like a barrel of laughs) with Jeff (Jeff's down with Hegel, I'm more on the side of Schopenhauer who called Hegel's work: "...A monument to German stupidity." Look out! Philosopher slap-fight!!!)

Shockingly, I appear to have veered off on a tangent.

I'm going to take a nap.

Josh: More Info Please

I don't think that's going to cut it, Mom. Let's get all the information up front so that anyone accessing the site for the first time can hit the ground running. If I give someone the code to get in here it means I trust them completely, but it doesn't necessarily mean I'm going to spend forever giving them deep background. I think you should put down everything you've got on the accident, and as much about yourself as you can. I'm sure it's painful, but perhaps someone else can glean something from your recollections that you can't. Besides, if you want candor from the people posting here, you're going to have to give as good as you get.

Starting with me-for the sake of new posters-my name is Josh Howland. I'm 29 years old and am working toward my masters in philosophy at Marquette University in fabulous Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I was born and raised in Wisconsin, yet somehow have gone all this time without wearing a foam block of cheese on my head. This semester I'm taking a light class load to help my Mom do what she needs to do. I'm single (even with a chick-magnet like a philosophy degree hanging on my wall?? Shockingly, yes), tall and I suppose to be kind to myself I'll go with "wiry" over "skinny". Not much else to tell, really.

I'll let my Mom give more information on what's happened so far, then I'll write another post on what I've been doing the last few days as far as dealing with the police and the media and whatnot.