Josh: The Difference Between A "Hotel" And A "Motel": My Will To Live

So, so, so tired. Words can't express. Mom, we took your advice, got our stuff from the hotel (including the file box containing the Human Calicivirus-you know, the formula for a virus that could potentially wipe out all human life on Earth? Seemed kinda important) and motored out of Atlanta. Mary and I took turns driving and we just checked in to a Motel 6 in Dallas. We thought we'd downgrade to keep a low profile. The Dallas Motel 6 is exactly like the Atlanta Ritz Carlton except instead of classic, gold-inlaid Venetian wallpaper over soundproofed walls it has whitewashed cinder blocks, and instead of being greeted by a beautiful, dark-haired Spanish maid when you open your hotel room door, you're faced instead with a three-foot cockroach holding a gun. I'm thinking of inviting Hollis here just so I can give him our room and depress him to death.

The one bright spot was when we checked in I sidled up to the blond, bored desk clerk and asked, "Hey, you know the actor who played the bad guy in Die Hard? Do you know who that is? I'll take the room either way, but nail this and you win an extra ten bucks."

She stared at me blankly and intoned, "I heart Alan Rickman."

Did I do an awkward, exhausted, white-man, fist-pump-riddled victory dance right there in the lobby? I think you know me well enough by now to know the embarrassing answer to that. Mary's punch on my arm was just hard enough to not be considered "playful".

We're going to pass out for hopefully the entire day, so just leave a message regarding whatever arrangements you're going to make for us moneywise.

And Mom, obviously these dates being wrong is beyond weird, but given everything I've seen and heard over the past week I'm just going to go ahead and give you the benefit of the doubt. You've earned it, and my faith in what passes for reality has been shaken just enough to pretty much believe anything at this point. As long as you keep my birthday straight I'm on board. I'll post again when we wake up.